For some, it is not essentially the most great time of the yr. And that is OK.

Earlier this month, Maya Vander shared the heartbreaking information that she delivered baby boy Mason in a stillbirth—and now, she’s opening up about her grief over the vacations.

“This isn’t the Christmas Eve I had envisioned,” the Selling Sunset star captioned an image of her household in entrance of their Christmas tree. “This was the day Mason would have come residence with us.”

And whereas she acknowledged she was smiling within the picture—which options husband David Miller and their children Aiden, 2, and Elle, 19 months—she admitted appears may be deceiving. “It has been tough,” she wrote. “I by no means skilled grief this manner. Our household is taking it sooner or later at a time and we’re simply making an attempt our greatest for the youngsters. I’m extraordinarily grateful for all of the kindness and messages I’ve been getting. We’re grateful for our kids and know that it is going to be okay.”